One Day

Six years ago, you had one day with her. That's so unfair.

As magical as newborns are and as much as I envy you those precious hours, you couldn't possibly have imagined how incredible your daughter would become. She is sugar and spice, quick to take offense and eager to please. My dragon daughter. From the first picture I ever saw of her I sensed a brightness in her, a vividness. Everything she feels, she feels intensely. Every story she tells, she throws her whole self into portraying every aspect. I've often wondered if acting is in her future: she just seems like a natural.

I'll get to see that future, and unless a modern miracle of internet and DNA transpires, you won't. That's so unfair.

I don't know what combination of societal limitations, familial pressures, financial duress, and personal bias led you to want your daughter to be cared for by the state. I know from other parents of nevus owners that the initial reaction from uninformed doctors and medical staff can be devastating. One family's child was placed in NICU immediately and the parents were told the child probably wouldn't live out the week. She did, of course, and proved to be and continues to be happy and healthy. But it's so rare, you see. One in every 500,000 births and most doctors never see it in their whole practice. It can look so scary at first, but it isn't really, most of the time. Were you scared? Did a doctor tell you she wouldn't survive or that she would need medical care you couldn't pay for? Did you face the question that so many parents in your situation have had thrust on them: to take your child home to die or to surrender her to the state so that she can receive life-saving medical care? That's so unfair.

But medically necessary or not, she thrived, even in an institutional environment, and after bringing her home we have seen her burst into bloom. The calendar tells us that we have had her for two years, five months and seventeen days and every one of those days she has been a joy. (And often a trial as well: she has a strong will, your daughter.)

Thank you for including the note with her time of birth. I wonder, when that time came today, did you wince? Do you feel the loss of her like a limb? Do you have peace that you made the right decision for her? Did you move past the grief years ago, hopeless of ever seeing your child again? I wish I could face west and send you this message: your daughter is loved and cared for and accepted. She is yours, always yours, but also ours.

Ours forever.

We promise.

The Big News

So for a while this fall I wasn't blogging anything because our adoption had stalled due to a medical issue. And then that resolved and suddenly I wasn't blogging because things were happening so fast! 

So, here's our big news. 

We have been MATCHED!!! 

On Jan 29th, we got a call from our adoption agency. They had a file that they would like us to consider. It was a sixteen month old boy, with the same condition as our daughter, congenital giant nevus, otherwise healthy and with the cutest, fattest cheeks. We said yes. The boys are completely thrilled; Mei-Mei was sour for a bit that it wasn't a girl, but has since gotten fully on board Team Baby Brother and is full of plans. She has instructed me that when we go to China I should take M&Ms, in case baby brother cries while I'm giving him a bath, like she did. I love seeing her little heart soften. 

Right now we can't share pictures online so you will just have to take my word for it that he's completely adorable. We'll be able to share once we've signed our Letter of Agreement, which is a few steps down the road. Right now I'm busy working on our current step, the dossier (doss-ee-ay). We are hopeful that we will have all our dossier ducks lined up and notarized by the end of the month, after which we get them county sealed and state sealed. It's exactly as much fun as it sounds, but now we have the best motivation in the world: our little boy waiting for us! 

So. Many. Documents.

If you would like to be added to our adoption newsletter for more information about the process and how you can pray for us, email me at derkiheeATgmailDOTcom with "add me" in the subject line. 

If you would like to donate to our adoption (thank you SO much!) all of our links and information are here.  

Knitting Through the Year - January

"It is a cold and snowy January. The holidays are done with, and Twelfth Night will be any day now: what better time to embark on a long and lovely project?" ~ Knitter's Almanac, Elizabeth Zimmermann

EZ, dwelling in the cold and snowy north, suggests an Aran sweater as the perfect January project: all-white and decorated with cables and knit-purl stitch patterns. However I, who have never seen a white winter, but only the very occasional white weekend or white couple of days, chose a more colorful winter project.

The fact that I had intended to finish this project for Christmas and failed to do so may have also been a factor. Knitters beware: five year old boys take very poorly to a promise and a bagful of yarn as a Christmas present.

Mei-Mei, Twinkle and Munchkin, all with varying levels of enthusiasm.
The green in Twinkle's sweater is more prominent than this picture shows. 

This pattern is also an Elizabeth Zimmermann pattern, the Baby Surprise Sweater. It is one of the more iconic knitting patterns out there. (To the non-knitters: Yes! Famous knitting patterns! Whoda thunk?) It has only two seams, which means that you kit a shapeless blob that looks nothing like a sweater, just blindly chugging along making increases and decreases as directed. And then you cast off and sew along the tops of the sleeves and suddenly you have the cutest little garter-stitch cardigan.

This yarn is called Crazy Yarn and it is made from the leftovers from spinning solid colors. Crazy Yarn and Baby Surprise Sweater is my favorite yarn/pattern combination. I have made it two other times before this little trio, once as a 12 month size and once as a 3T, and I can probably say that this won't be my last time with this combo. There's just no version of this sweater and yarn that's not awesome.

The sweaters were finished in January, but photographed later, hence the green grass.

I love it - and them - to bits.

Knitting Through the Year - September (Free Pattern!)

September is the logical beginning of the year. Summer heat is nearly past, the weather begins to brisken up, schools open their doors to siphon our beloved young out of the house for longer or shorter periods, adult activity begins to stir, and Mother forms good resolutions and makes lists. 
Top your list with a resolution to initiate all children, M and F, into the mysteries and fascinations of knitting - Elizabeth Zimmermann, Knitter's Almanac 

EZ gives very good suggestions for your child's first knitting project (a garter-stitch potholder) and then suggests that while your young knitter is working away that you knit him or her a pair of "longies" as a reward. These can be fitted to be as tight as leggings, or they can be looser, like lounge pants. Either way, they will be deliciously warm. They are knit in the round, which EZ considers a crucial point for both comfort and durability. Seams "pop inconveniently, especially in a garment which has to have feet constantly thrust into it."

That face!

These leggings were designed to fit my daughter, who is 43" tall and wears a size 5. Her waist measurement is 21.5" and it is 25" from the floor to her belly button. She is long-waisted and slender. If those descriptors don't match the child you wish to knit leggings for, get out your calculator and and measuring tape and figure out the size difference between my child's measurements and yours, and then add or subtract stitches or rows from my pattern to get a custom fit. Or, of course, you could buy Knitter's Almanac, where EZ gives a full explanation of how to knit "longies" for any size, infant to adult. My pattern is informed by hers but not exactly the same.

(This has not been test-knit and may contain errors.)

Cozy Cozy

US 8 DPN (for the waist you will either need a 5th DPN, or a US 8 circular needle)

Worsted weight yarn, less than 660 yards. I bought 3 skeins of yarn because I wanted to do stripes and I have a good bit left from each color. I probably used around 500 yards. 

CO 44 st

Knit 14 rounds in 2x2 ribbing.

Knit 48 rounds in stockinette.

*K2 inc1, knit to end of the round, inc1.

Knit 5 rounds in stockinette. Repeat from * 10 times, increasing by 22 st.

Knit 4 rounds in stockinette.

Repeat for the other leg.

Sew together 18 stitches from each leg using Kitchener stitch.

Knit 1 round, picking up and knitting 4 stitches over each end of the crotch. (104 st)

*K26 past the middle of the back, wrap and turn.

Slip first st, P51, wrap and turn.

Slip first st, K49, wrap and turn.

Slip first st, P47, wrap and turn.

Slip first st, knit 1 round, knitting the wrapped stitches like this. (See note)

Knit 2 rounds.

K23 past the middle of the back, wrap and turn.

Slip first st, purl 45 st, wrap and turn.

Slip first st, knit 43 st, wrap and turn.

Slip first st, purl 41 st, wrap and turn.

Slip first st, knit 1 round, knitting wrapped st as before.

Knit 2 rounds. *

Repeat from * to *.

Knit 43 rounds in stockinette. 

Knit 16 rounds in 2x2 ribbing.

Cast off loosely in pattern. Weave in all ends.

If desired, use a sewing machine to sew elastic to the inside of the waistband. 

Note: This is not a vital element, but the final result is smoother than if you simply knit the wrapped stitches. 

Name: Cozy Cozy 

Design: mine-ish, with the helpful advice of Elizabeth Zimmermann

Materials: Berroco Vintage Storm, Berroco Vintage Cast Iron and what is probably Cascade 220 Christmas Red

Finished: Sept 12, 2017

Fancy that! Finished with September before the month is even half over! These were a fairly quick knit; less knitting than a sweater. I think I may collect my worsted scraps for a while and make a pair of crazy striped pants for Munchkin or Twinkle.

Ring-around-the-rosie. I obviously spent a great deal of time coordinating their outfits.
P.S. Twinkle is wearing two pairs of pajama pants, per his favorite things.

Their Favorite Things

When you are 4 or 5 years old, your likes and dislikes are still capricious. Today's favorite may be tomorrow's ma'le*. So I thought that I would record what my children like. As of September 11th, 2017, 7:24 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, all of these statements are correct and truthful. An hour from now, who can say.

*This is the word that Mei-Mei says for "trash," but when I went to look up the tones, Google had no idea what I was talking about. I don't know if this is pidgin word that she made up, or if it is part of a Hebei province dialect.

All of the children love being Mama's Helper at the grocery store. Mei-Mei talks about who is going to help Mama a full week ahead of time.

Munchkin and Twinkle ask for oatmeal every morning. Cinnamon is usually desired. Brown sugar is, of course, best of all, but rarely offered. Sometimes they ask for ketchup instead of cinnamon. This makes their mother gag a little, but she gives it to them anyway.

Mei-Mei loves dippy eggs and chips. These are soft boiled eggs with baked chips made from corn tortillas and oil and salt. You can stab a piece of egg with the point of your chip and eat it that way, which means that forks are unnecessary. Dippy eggs and chips are her mama's favorite breakfast too.

Munchkin loves cuddling with "his" cats.

Twinkle loves the color green. He will always choose the green option. Except for vegetables, of course.

Mei-Mei loves using glue sticks.

Munchkin loves mashed potatoes and peas. Heavily influenced by How My Parents Learned to Eat, by Ina R. Friedman, he views these side dishes as a package deal and makes nests of mashed potatoes to put the peas in.

Twinkle loves spaghetti and meatballs.

 Mei-Mei would live in her My Little Pony nightgown 24/7 if given the choice. For a while, we even had a good-night song about her pony nightgown. As part of the song I was supposed to stroke the pony and Mei-Mei would become upset if I accidentally poked the pony in the eye.

All of the children love potstickers and homemade ramen and Uncle Pop.

Munchkin also loves sushi. The other kids will eat it, but he gobbles it!

Twinkle loves wearing crowns and hats.

Mei-Mei loves going to sleep while holding onto one of her parents. She doesn't always get to, but it is far and away her preferred method.

Munchkin loves having younger children around to take care of and explain things to. Unfortunately, his younger siblings don't count, as they are the same size as he is and thus considered equals.

Twinkle loves wearing multiple pairs of shirts and pants, even in warm weather. This completely befuddles 'Stache, who has on occasion discovered Twinkle wearing up to seven shirts. Twinkle is also an equal opportunity shirt wearer, layering t-shirts, night-shirts, and 'Stache's undershirts.

Mei-Mei loves to help cook and do little jobs. She is an excellent helper.

All of the children love watching me play Minecraft. There was once great concern and worry when I went exploring and got lost and could not find where my house was. Twinkle even prayed about it at bedtime, that God would help me find my house. When I finally found it, the children discussed the matter on and off for a week.

Munchkin loves reading the original Winnie-the-Pooh. I had never read the whole book before, only snippets and individual stories and Disney versions, which lack the charm of the original. It is Excellent and I wholeheartedly recommend it. (Knowing as I do so that this is hardly an original recommendation. However, if I, as a well-read adult and a well-read-to child, am discovering this now for the first time, perhaps my recommendation can help others who were similarly ignorant of A. A. Milne's brilliance.)

Twinkle loves saying Chinese words. We are learning Chinese as part of Munchkin's school program, and Twinkle is the keenest. Interestingly, Mei-Mei is not particularly better at Chinese than Munchkin or Twinkle. I think that, outside of the handful of words we still commonly use at home, she has forgotten her Chinese.

Mei-Mei loves baths, showers, hoses and water in most forms. She has never gotten out of a bath or shower without having to be told to do so.

All of the children love paper airplanes. This causes some degree of conflict at home, because once a piece of paper has been made into an airplane it becomes a PRICELESS TREASURE and if stolen, torn or carelessly trod upon, instigates immediate commencement of hostilities and the drawing up of battle lines.

In addition to the above, there are of course the perennial favorites such as ice cream, crayons, bicycles and hot dogs. I feel that these favorites have staying power and thus do not need to be documented as thoroughly as favorites that may come and go.

It is such a gift to be able to watch their personalities and interests develop!

Warm as Toast

I believe that cowls are naturally superior to scarves when attempting to keep a young child warm in cold weather.

Being a tube of soft knitting that fits over the head and sits around the neck, there are no long ends that can get caught or trampled on or yanked by a sibling. A mother is guaranteed, having put a cowl on a child, that their neck will stay covered as long as the cowl remains, which cannot be guaranteed with a scarf, which easily becomes untied or twisted or tightened, exposing skin to the elements. And lastly, a cowl requires less than a third of the knitting necessary to produce a scarf, making it a thrifty choice in both time and materials.

(There are very large cowls, of course, designed to be doubled or tripled around the neck, or very wide ones that produce a fashionable bunched effect that would be actually larger than a traditional scarf, but this cowl is a simple one, designed to be only one layer, imminently suitable for keeping a young child who lives in the not too arctic state of Tennessee, warm in winter.)

Mei-Mei may have a future as a knitwear model.

I designed this cowl to be very simple, suitable for beginners. It uses a type of waffle stitch, which is one of my favorite knit/purl stitches. I knit it using the back-and-forth method because I knit faster using straight needles, but the pattern is actually simpler if knit in the round, as the pattern uses an odd number of rows. I have put both here so that you can use your favorite method. This pattern uses approximately 100 yards of DK weight yarn. I recommend that you use a yarn that does not contain more than 50% acrylic or plant-based fibers. The more acrylic or plant-based fibers in a yarn, the less stretchy and less warm it will be

Warm as Toast

approx 100 yards DK weight yarn

US 5 knitting needles, either straight or circular as you prefer

a darning needle 

Back-and-forth directions

Using straights, cast on 102 st, loosely.

Rows 1-4: K

Row 5: P

Pattern:

Row 1: (Right Side) K2, (P2 K2) to the end of the row.

Row 2: P

Row 3: K2, (P2 K2) to the end of the row.

Row 4: P

Row 5: K

Row 6: P2, (K2 P2) to the end of the row.

Row 7: K

Row 8: P2, (K2 P2) to the end of the row.

Row 9: K

Row 10: P

Repeat this pattern 3 times. (40 rows)

Repeat the first 5 rows.

Knit 3 rows.

Cast off loosely, knitwise. Break the yarn, leaving a tail, and pull through.

Sew the selvage edges together using mattress stitch. 

Weave in ends. Block gently.

It can do double duty as a hat/earwarmer in a pinch.

In the round directions

Using circular knitting needles, cast on 100 st in the round.

Round 1: P

Round 2: K

Round 3: P

Rounds 4-5: K

Pattern

Round 1: K2, (P2, K2) to the end of the round.

Round 2: K

Round 3: K2 (P2, K2) to the end of the round.

Rounds 4-5: K

Repeat this pattern 8 times. (45 rounds)

Round 1: P

Round 2: K

Round 3: P

Round 4: Cast off loosely knitwise. Break the yarn, leaving a tail, and pull through.

Weave in all ends. Block gently. 

K= knit

P= purl 

This perfectly fits my daughter, who is four. However, it is a naturally stretchy stitch and the cowl fits over an adult's head also. If knitting for an adult, I would add an additional 10-20 rows of the waffle pattern, as adults' necks are longer.

Title: Warm as Toast

Design: Mine!

Materials: A lovely lavender yarn that I know includes alpaca but for which I have long lost the labels. It might be 100% alpaca or it might be a blend.

Finished: August  28, 2017

We can't wait for winter, how about you? 

A Tale of Eggs and Flowers

Once upon a time, I pinned this pin of flowers made out of painted egg cartons. I thought it was a charming idea, but would require a lot of egg cartons to pull off. Shortly thereafter, eggs went on sale and our weekly egg consumption tripled, making an easy job of collecting enough egg cartons for a whole slew of flowers. 

I collected clean cartons for about 2 weeks, befuddling 'Stache, and cut them into flowers. Unfortunately I don't have any good pictures of the different shapes before we painted, but essentially I cut flowers with long pointed petals, rounded petals, zigzag cups, round cups, and fringe cups (to be the centers of my lilies and daffodills). I also cut leaves from the flat parts of the cartons. Pro tip: it's a lot easier to cut 4 petaled flowers than 5 petaled flowers, especially from an egg carton!

The kids and I painted them ...

And then I glued them to a cardboard circle, which I had also painted green ...

Making a pretty great wreath, if I do say so!

We used this paint, which was very cost effective since we wanted a lot of colors and these came in a set. A few of the colors needed multiple coats (I'm looking at you, yellow!) but most were adequate with one. (Later I tried these paints on wood peg dolls and they had very poor coverage on that surface, so I would avoid glossy surfaces with this paint.) It also cleaned up quite easily.

I have about 20 photos identical to this, courtesy of Mei-Mei.

Things I did right with this project:

1. Draconian color control! I asked the kids which color they wanted to paint, and then I gave them a specific flower shape for that color. Thus, all the flowers are (more or less) recognizable. One shape might have different colors, but each color (except white) only has one shape.

2. Painting in shifts. I would put two kids in their room to play and then invite the other to come paint. They got to pick their color and I would give them 3 flowers to paint. When they were done, I would ask if they wanted to keep painting, and if they did, they got 3 more of the same shape. Mei-Mei had an incredible attention span for this project! She painted all of the leaves (both sides!) at one sitting.

3. Clean up as we went. At the end of each child's turn, they had to go wash off their own brush and I would wipe down the table so there wasn't any wet paint of the wrong color to mess up the next child's flowers.

4. Arranged the colors to be balanced but still random. After all the flowers were dry (we painted them over about 3 days) I divided them by color and placed them more or less evenly spaced around the circle before glueing them down using Elmer's. Because I had different amounts of each color, it still looks organic and random because some are spaced a fifth apart, some a quarter, some a sixth, etc.

Things I did wrong with this project.

1. I started out thinking that the kids could cut the egg cups apart and then I would cut them into flowers, but this proved to be beyond their hand strength at ages 5 and 4.

2. Also, apparently all our non-sewing scissors are crap. Might should fix that.

3. I started out with all the kids painting and me supervising, but this proved too much wet paint to juggle at the same time. Painting in shifts (see above) worked much better and the kids got some one-on-one Mama time.

4. The back of the wreath is made of flat strips of egg carton, cut and glued into a circle. I wish that I had held off until I could find a large piece of cardboard to use for my circle. It's holding up so far, but I'm seriously worried that it may not last.




We hung it in our kitchen. I love that my kids painted nearly the whole thing, and that it makes our daily lives more beautiful.

Egg cartons! Who'd'a thunk?

Knitting Through the Year - June

I will come out flat-footed and personally disapprove of crocheted borders on knitted cardigans, but without in any way trying to convert those who crochet expertly and with pleasure. May their paths run smooth. ~ Elizabeth Zimmermann's Knitter's Almanac, June 

I adore Elizabeth Zimmermann. She is more or less the patron saint of American knitting and in my head? We are best friends. Among other delightful books about knitting, she wrote Knitter's Almanac. The book is full of wonderful quips and knitting ideas and patterns that suit the natural pace of each month. I am going to follow along for the whole year. Yes, normally these sort of one-year resolutions happen at New Year's, but December-January is a mad, mad time and I'm usually doing well just to stay afloat, much less coming up with grand plans.

June's project is "a bevy of hats," very suitable for warm weather knitting.

From left to right: a tri-corner tam, a ganomy hat, and a Maltese fisherman's hat.

I grabbed whatever yarn was either convenient or cheap, dug up needles that would accommodate the yarn, and dove in. I paid no attention at all to the gauges recommended, and thus I have an adult large, a 6 month size, and a toddler's hat. Whoops.

The tri-corner tam, regrettably, was made from a cheap acrylic from Walmart that reinforced every prejudice I have against acrylic. Practically before it was finished it was looking fuzzy and worn. The hat isn't warm and doesn't feel great to wear. It feels like a project rather than a piece of clothing. However, my kids love the color and it is fun and dramatic to wear. I left out one round of increases, so the pattern calls for even more size and drama.

The ganomy hat is knit from good old Cascade 220, which made it turn out quite small. The pattern calls for bulkier yarn. Looking at it, it seems like an odd shape, but I tried it on my cousin's son and it's a very ergonomic shape. Elizabeth Zimmermann also has the charming idea that one could put a ping-pong ball or a handful of wool scraps into the end of the hat and wrap a piece of yarn tightly just below it, creating a fun bobble top.

The Maltese fisherman's hat came as a surprise. It is so cleverly designed, and in the picture shown in the book, you can't see how neatly the back of it fits to the back of the head. The ear flaps are wonderfully thick and warm. As I made it, it is just a touch small for my kids, which is a shame because they love it and I think it makes Mei-Mei look like a Mongolian warrior. (I know the pictures make it look like a typical toboggan hat, but it's very helmet-y.) I changed the pattern so that there were 4 ridges of garter-stitch above the forehead instead of the 2 the pattern calls for, because I like 1" borders better than 1/2" borders. I will definitely be making more before winter.

Aaaaand the modeling session ends with a wrestling match.

Chinglish

A common question from friends, family and random strangers is, “Does she know English yet?” And the answer is, “Yes! Um, no. Well, sorta.” Also complicating the matter is the fact that Mei-Mei is almost entirely silent in public, a striking difference from the wild and screeching hellion that we know and love at home. It can be hard to explain the amount of English, Chinglish and Chinese that we have going on at home without a lengthy dissertation. So, here’s that (semi) lengthy dissertation.

Here are the words that Mei-Mei says by herself in English:

Mama*

Danny

Maisie

Pippin

Sophie

Mine

Hello

Bye-bye**

Please

Thank you

Sorry

No

Potty

All done

Water

Hungry

Gentle

Stop it 

Go

Shoes

Car***

Choo-choo***

Thomas [the Tank Engine]

Train [anyone picking up on a theme here?]

Carrier

Pew-pew

*Mama is the same in Chinese and English.

**Bye-bye is essentially the same in Chinese and English.

***Car means vehicle. Choo-choo means a toy car or a toy train.

A lot of adoptive families use Baby Sign in their first months at home, so that they can communicate effectively from the beginning. Since we learned some Chinese, we didn’t do Baby Sign, but there have been a couple of gestures that we’ve made up and are part of our family pidgin.

Moving the hand, palm side down, over a plate of food – all done

Pointing at an empty spot on the plate – I want more of what I just ate

A buckling motion at the waist – the Tula carrier

Using both hands to push inwards along Mama’s shoulders – I want to stay in the carrier

Maintaining eye contact and opening the mouth wide (optional sticking out of the tongue) - Snapchat

Before going to China, I did lessons 1-15 with the Pimsleur Mandarin course. I highly recommend Pimsleur for people who don’t have a lot of study time per se because it is all CDs. I borrowed them from the library and kept them in the car and learned Chinese while driving around town. We have also made COPIOUS use of Google Translate, which has been a lifesaver. (If you’re heading to China, though, remember that Google doesn’t work in China unless you have a VPN.) These are the words that ‘Stache and I  know in  Chinese and use regularly:

Baba – Daddy

Gege – Brother

Mei-mei – Sister

Wo (men) – I (we)

Ni (men) – You (y’all)

Ni hao – Hello

Bu – No/not

Shi – Is/am

Haishi – Or

Keshi - But 

Ma – word that ends a yes or no question

Yao – Want

Chu – Go

Guolai – Come here

Zheli* – Here  

Nali* – There

Zai nali* – Where is

Fenxiang – Share

Xiang – Would like

Shanghai – Hurt

Peng – Touch

Hui huilai – Will come back  

Mingbai – Understand

Chi – Eat

Hue – Drink

Shuijiao – Sleep

Chin chin – Kiss

Baozhe – Hold

Ai – Love

Xianzai – Now

Guo yihuier - After a while

Niao niao – Pee

Shema – What  

Yi dian* – Little

Hao – Good

Hen – Very  

 Piaoliang – Pretty

Yi, er, san, sz, wo – One, two, three, four, five   

Shui – Water

Cha – Tea

Kafei – Coffee

Tian – Sweet

Jige – This/that
Maozi – Hat 

Wawa – Doll 

*The Pimsleur course uses speakers with Beijing  accents so I learned to pronounce these  “djar,” “nar,” “tzai nar” and “eediar.” Also, any words that end in "shi" I pronounce more like "shir."

The ideal would probably be to say a sentence in Chinese and then repeat it in English: “Ni yao shuijiao ma? Do you want to go to sleep?” (Three guesses what the answer is and the first two don’t count.) In practice, we rarely do this. It’s oddly difficult to switch gears between languages. What isn’t hard at all (for reasons I don’t know) is to mix the two languages. “Ni yao yogurt haishi ni yao orange juice?” “Xianzai ni brush your teeth, then shuijiao.” (Any linguists out there who have insights into this phenomenon, feel free to chime in!)

It’s very clear that Mei-Mei is understanding more English than she speaks (or is just brilliant at deducing from tone and context, which is also possible). We’ll say things like “We only eat in the kitchen; come back in here” or “Do you want to be in the pack ‘n’ play or go play with your geges” and she’ll respond appropriately.

The plan (the hope) is for Mei-Mei to learn English, probably taking about a year to become fluent, and for me to hang on to my Chinese, learn more, and teach the boys once they start kindergarten. Whether Mei-Mei will lose her Chinese and then relearn it again in kindergarten or whether she’ll retain it, we don’t know. Generally three-year-olds don’t hang onto their Chinese by themselves, so either way it will take a bit of effort, but we think it’s worth it.   

I'm exhausted just thinkin' about it.

Edited to add: At the time of this post, Mei-Mei was 3 and a half years old and had been home exactly two months.

Mei-Mei Log, Week 4

Day 22 Thursday Munchkin, Twinkle, Mei-Mei and I went to the aquarium. It was very quiet except for one school group. Mei-Mei was very content on my back in the carrier. She continues to love escalators and leaned down to grab the railing as we were going up. On the way out, Munchkin had a melt-down because I would not hold him as well. Later that afternoon, ‘Stache was carrying Mei-Mei up the front steps and tripped and both of them fell flat, but neither suffered any permanent effects. At dinner, Mei-Mei was more interested in feeding her peas to Munchkin than eating them herself.

Day 23 Friday We visited a friend who has a young daughter the boys’ age. Mei-Mei was quiet and stony faced and stayed on my lap the whole time. After a while she started crying for Baba. She perked up when we went outside to the car. My friend has two large dogs and Mei-Mei was fascinated and jumpy around them. When I put her down, she wagged her rear end back and forth, imitating the dogs wagging their tails. At naptime she delayed going to sleep and then slept for an hour, until ‘Stache woke her up. She was very unhappy and being woken up and only wanted to cuddle for a while. At bedtime went to sleep at 9.

Day 24 Saturday We left the house at 9 and drove 2 hours to my parents’ house for their Christmas party. Mei-Mei sat on ‘Stache’s lap for about 2 hours, then started getting up and making short forays. She was calm and content as long as she could see ‘Stache or I but not especially animated or boisterous. At about 2, ‘Stache took the kids upstairs for naptime. Twinkle was the only one who slept but everyone rested. We left about 7:30. Mei-Mei was not very happy about getting in the car and being separated from ‘Stache and I, but she went to sleep after about 30 minutes.

Day 25 Sunday Fairly quiet day. ‘Stache left after dinner to watch a movie at a friend’s house. Mei-Mei cried a bit when he left but then acted normally. Went to bed with me without crying except for occasional you-won’t-let-me-get-out-of-bed stuff. Watched a video with me for about an hour. Then self-entertained for a while. Watched me cruise Craigslist. Snuggled with me but very restless, changing positions all the time. Eventually wound up hugging my arm and chewing my fingernails. Fell asleep about 11pm.

Day 26 Monday Went to the bookstore with the kids. Kept Mei-Mei in the carrier, but she kept grabbing at books. Went to Sam’s for lunch. Mei-Mei ate a soft pretzel and some of a Coke. The boys were fragile and fractious all day. Mei-Mei was restless, constantly wanting up down play with me talk to me do something else. I think part of the problem is that we were not able to have any outdoor time. Went to sleep easily at 8. Woke up at 11 puking. Threw up a couple times, and then went back to sleep.

Day 27 Tuesday No more throwing up. 

Thank you for reading the log of our first four weeks with Mei-Mei! As you can see, things are still not without challenges, but we have seen such improvement in bonding, eating and sleeping since we came home! 

Mei-Mei Log, Week 3

Day 15 Thursday

Day 16 Friday Mei-Mei and I did a craft together, dyeing fabric for Christmas presents. She has a very long attention span. We worked together for about 1 and a half hours. She was delighted each time we pressed the fabric down and then lifted it up to see the colors. Munchkin and I went to see the Nutcracker after dinner. He loved it. 

Day 17 Saturday

Day 18 Sunday After supper she was playing with notecards and tape and kid scissors. She tore a card into a square and held it over her eye. She wanted me to cut it into a circle, which I did. She took a large piece of tape and taped the circle over one eye. Then she did the same thing on the other eye. She was extremely pleased with herself and trotted off to show ‘Stache.

Day 19 Monday Rainy. I cut the boys’ hair. Attempted to trim Mei-Mei’s bangs. She stood still but I didn’t do a great job of it. All of her hair swirls from one point. There isn’t a natural part. She had a sweet time with our cat: hugging, petting, forehead bonking. Kissed the cat and thought it great fun. Stayed up until 10 pm. She won’t kiss me yet.

Day 20 Tuesday We’re seeing more normal sibling interactions. Normal wrestling, normal squabbling. We went to Chik-Fil-A and while we were in the playplace, we overheard Munchkin talking to a little boy, telling him about Mei-Mei with a very proprietary tone. “That’s our sister. Our Mama and Daddy went to China to go get her. Where did your parents get your sister?” The clearly non-plussed little boy said, “Uh, uh, I think my parents got her in my mama’s belly.” Mei-Mei took a nap in the afternoon and then did not go to sleep until after midnight.

Day 21 Wednesday No nap, just stayed on the bed with me. She has an amazing ability to self-entertain. She kissed me two times today and let me rub noses with her several times. Don’t know yet if the kisses are a today-only deal. She stole and wore my glasses several times and is completely delighted by it. Went to sleep about 8:20pm. 

Mei-Mei Log, Week 2

Mei-Mei is eating normally for a toddler, so I am no longer recording it. She generally eats well, but occasionally refuses to eat anything at all. 

Day 8 Thursday

Much high spirits, running around house. We went to get our Christmas tree today. We got in car, Mei-Mei was mostly quiet for first 30ish minutes, occasional comments. Then started getting a little upset. It was a long way to the tree farm and we had to double back to a gas station for cash. She was better after I held her for a bit in the gas station. She was interested in the tree farm. I had her on my back in the Tula. Eventually wanted to get down and run around, after about 35 minutes. When we were driving home, she was fine for the first 30ish minutes or so and then wanted 'Stache or me to hold her. Didn’t ever take a nap, mostly was able to be quiet on bed for a while. 'Stache had to go to Urgent Care after supper. The kids and I watched a Thomas and Friends video. While watching Thomas, she pushed buttons on the computer. I held her on my lap and she screamed for 15 minutes. Eventually calmed, watched the video a while, got sleepy. I took her to the bed, she cried for about 10 minutes. I held her and she went to sleep.

Day 9 Friday 'Stache has a pre-pneumonia infection in his lungs. He got antibiotics and a nebulizer, which seem to be helping. Mei-Mei went to sleep at about 9.

Day 10 Saturday The boys joined us at 5 am. ‘Stache sent them back to their beds at 5:30. We got up at 7:30.

Day 11 Sunday

Day 12 Monday The honeymoon seems to be over. Munchkin and Twinkle have only complaints about Mei-Mei. Twinkle asked when we were going to be taking Mei-Mei home. The fact that Mei-Mei doesn’t follow the rules really bothers Munchkin.

Day 13 Tuesday

Day 14 Wednesday A friend came over and we watched the kids together outside. Mei-Mei was rambunctious, happy. Not shy. Enjoyed pushing Twinkle on the swings. Munchkin was fragile, apt to fall apart whenever Mei-Mei did something he didn’t like. 

Mei-Mei Log, Week 1

I love reading adoption blogs. Such wonderful stories, great insights, helpful tips. But one blindspot seems to be the month after the child gets home. There's lots of posts leading up to the adoption, maybe a few posts in country and then everything goes dark for a month. This is understandable, for the same reason that bloggers don't tend to be really chatty in the first weeks post-partum: you're sleep-deprived and living in a whirlwind. Which I definitely am. But I thought a record of the transition from day 1 to day 30 might be helpful, so I am keeping a log. 

Warning: This is unlikely to be scintillating. 

Night 0 (10pm EST) 

My parents, brother and sister met us at the airport with Munchkin and Twinkle. Mei-Mei was stony-faced and clingy. When we put her in her carseat she cried for about 1 minute and then no more the rest of the way home. (15 minutes) Her first flicker of interest came at home when the boys brought out their new lightsabers. Her first smile was while hitting Grandpa with it. She was delighted by the cats and picked them up by their back ends. She petted them a few times, yanking her hand back when they made sudden movements, and hit at them a few times. 

She went to sleep at 2 am and slept until 11:30am. She went to sleep on 'Stache's chest.

Day 1

Things she ate today: 

Blueberry yogurt cup

3 bites dressing, 2 servings ham

Lots of small cups of tea

No dinner 

She goes back and forth between being hesitant and wanting to be held, and throwing herself into playing with the boys. Liked digging in dirt with shovels but was distressed by leaves, dirt on bare feet.She has a small cough. Shares food easily. Likes lightsabers. Likes her new tea set, copies Danny in taking tiny sips of tea with the little spoon. Talks about cats a lot. She hit them 2 or 3 times and was reprimanded. She seems much more willing to be held by me than when we were in China. Napped 3:30-7 in between 'Stache and I on our double bed. 

Night 1

Went to bed 11pm. Liked laying/sleeping on 'Stache’s chest but cried whenever he tried to roll her off. Wouldn’t sleep in the little bed at all. Cried and cried when we tried to make her. Slept in little bed with 'Stache for 1 hour, then woke up crying. Did this until 6 am, when we got up. Wouldn’t be held by me. 

Day 2 

Things she ate:

Blueberry yogurt

2 or 3 bites grilled cheese

Almost all of a 6 oz can of mushrooms, drained (she found this can and asked to eat it)

Tea with honey

Lots of frozen peas

Frequently wanting to be held. In the morning she wanted to go outside and see neighbor children but wanted me to hold her. Very interested in bikes, pushed/pulled on Munchkin’s tire to “assist” him. Slept 1pm-3pm. At end of day she went out with 'Stache and the boys to play with neighbors, was comfortable with a good bit of separation between her and Matthew. Much playing with trains and duplos.

Night 2

Went to sleep lying next to Matthew at 7:30, slept until 11:30. Very awake, didn’t want to go back down. At 1:30, gave her 1 tsp Benadryl in OJ. Slept 2am-8am.

Day 3 Saturday

Things she ate:

Vanilla yogurt

Peas (mostly dipped in ketchup)

½ egg cheese sandwich (dipped in ketchup)

Tea and animal crackers

No dinner

Played independently with boys with duplos in their room for a while. We all went to a nearby park. I carried her in my Tula carrier. She took our green plastic shovel with her. Had a glorious time with the boys at playground, shoveled bark and dirt, climbed the plastic “stone” pile, went down slides with boys over and over. Did not know how to use spines, just used stairs or stone pile to climb the play structure. Napped 3-5pm. Stayed with 'Stache while the boys and I went to grocery store. 'Stache said she walked around a bit looking anxious because she woke up and we were gone. Hugged Munchkin and Twinkle spontaneously when we got home.

Night 3

Slept 9pm to 4:30 am. Didn’t want to go back to sleep. Resisted until 6:45, when we got up.

Day 4 Sunday

Things she ate:

2 square waffles with syrup

3 boiled eggs without yokes

1 piece bread w/pumpkin butter

Brownie

Sm portion noodles

Lots of mischief and mayhem. I said "That is not a toy!" a lot today, about a bottle of bleach, an antique book, 'Stache's work phone and a table knife. Today was very stressful. The honeymoon is starting to wear off. It's hard to parent in language other than your own. She is big enough and active enough that you really have to watch her every minute. Constantly working defence. Slept 1:30-4.

Night 4

Slept 7:30pm-1:30am. Didn’t want to go back to sleep. Gave 1 tsp Benadryl in OJ. Slept 2:30-6:45.

Day 5 

Things she ate: 

Multigrain cheerios w/ milk

Yogurt

2 chik nuggets, sm waffle fries

Sm handful yogurt covered raisins

2 cheesy breads, 1 piece pizza

I took her to the doctor's office. She was fine in the car. Quiet/clingy in the dr’s office. Howled and struggled when she got shots. I took her to Walmart to get her a bike but she wasn't interested in one. She was very interested in the nerf guns, so we bought one of those. She took a 30 min nap in the car. She was in a good mood when we got back. Played outside with nerf guns. Extremely rambunctious after supper, chasing/being chased by the boys all around the house.

Night 5

Slept 8-1am. Cried for an hour. Slept 2-5:45. 

Day 6 Tuesday

Things she ate:

2 boiled egg whites and a few bites of bread

Home made mac and cheese

No dinner 

A friend of mine came over, 'Stache ran an errand while she was here. Mei-Mei spent most of the visit in my lap. 'Stache tried to get her to take nap on little bed, she cried/screamed for about 1 ½ hours. Eventually he persuaded her to lie down on her bed with her cheek in his palm for about 20 min. After that he let her climb into our bed and she slept by him until 6.

Night 6

'Stache was sick and couldn't have her go to sleep on his chest, so he slept on the couch. Mei-Mei cried like a lost soul for an hour. She wouldn't let me touch her. I gave her a tsp of Benedryl in orange juice and she gradually collapsed onto the bed and slept from 9:30-6am. 

Day 7 Wednesday

Things she ate:

A few bites of biscuits and gravy

1 lg biscuit w/ pumpkin butter

Tea with honey

Leftover mac and cheese

Sm portion rice and beans

Screamed when I tried to make her sit on my lap for story time. Eventually hung out nearby while I did “school” with the boys. I made birdseed ornaments with the boys and Mei-Mei stirred the mixture. 'Stache and I took turns trying to get her to go down for nap on little bed: nothing. Only crying or sitting and holding. Eventually just sat by herself on the little bed for a while. After naptime 'Stache and I had a council of war and decided that trying to make her sleep in the little bed was doing damage to the bonding process and that having more room in our bed would help her sleep through the night. We found a $190 king-sized mattress and boxspring and a local appliance store. Mei-Mei "helped me” and 'Stache move stuff out of our room and our new king mattresses in. Very enthusiastic about new mattress, jumped on it with boys. Addressed me as "Mama" for the first time. 

Night 7

After dinner I took Munchkin to Walmart to buy king-sized sheets, leaving Twinkle and Mei-Mei with 'Stache, who is still sick. Twinkle and Mei-Mei were bickering over poking the cell phone while watching a Thomas video. 'Stache gave her a half dose of Benadryl in OJ at 7:30, she went to sleep 7:45, slept soundly until 6. 

Baby Steps

We are now in Guangzhou, China. From now on, all the paperwork has to do with Mei-Mei’s visa to the US, and the consulate that handles this is in Guangzhou.

Flying here was, if not a piece of cake, much easier than anticipated. Mei-Mei and ‘Stache wandered through the airport while we were waiting for our plane (We had given ourselves LOTS of extra time to get there because it was another high pollution day and we didn’t want to be stuck in traffic and miss our flight.) and ‘Stache let Mei-Mei pick out a drink. I say “let” but really I should say “encouraged” because Mei-Mei did not seem to immediately grasp that she could choose. Although everything we’ve learned indicates that she was well-taken care of by well-meaning people, choices have probably not been a regular part of her life. However, she seems to have grasped the concept and nearly sweet-talked ‘Stache into buying her a $10 plastic helicopter. Which, given that they do not share a common language, is quite a feat.

Walnut milk makes everything more bearable.

She was very content on the airplane as long as she was on ‘Stache’s lap, which meant that take-off and landing were rocky, but everything in between was fine. Fortunately we had a bag of snacks that her nanny gave us, so we found interesting things to eat for the terrible times when she had to be in her own seat. She deigned to accept mini Oreos from my hand, but otherwise didn’t want me to feed, touch or comfort her, even a little bit.

Every so often, all through the day, she would get teary and reach up for a hug from ‘Stache. But mostly she seemed to be resigned, if not happy.

The next day, Wednesday, was better. After breakfast (juice and yogurt for her, big American breakfast for ‘Stache, part-American, part-Chinese for me), we went to the “Kiddie Land,” which is an outdoor courtyard for kids. It was absolutely the best decision we could have made. Our stoic, clingy little girl blossomed into the happy, exuberant child we had seen in pictures and videos. Mei-Mei ran round and round the playset, darting in out of the plastic doors and flinging Wawa (her doll) down the slides. She would climb onto the swing and let ‘Stache push her once and then jump off, giggling.

All of this, though, was strictly Daddy-oriented. If I got too close or tried to pick up Wawa or hold her hand, she would frown and fling her hand out of mine or demand her Wawa back.

But after she had played on the playset a while, we drifted over to the water feature. ‘Stache and Mei-Mei sat together on the wall and contemplated the water for a moment. Surreptitiously I yanked a handful of leaves off a nearby bush. I demonstrated how one could take a leaf and drop it into the water and offered her a leaf.

She threw the leaf into the water, found the experience to be delightful, and asked me for another leaf.

It was the first time she had willingly interacted with me since we drove away from the notary’s office. Naturally, I gave another leaf, and many after that. After a few minutes, we discovered that there were dry leaves under some nearby monkey grass, allowing us to stop pulling live leaves off the bushes, but ‘Stache and I agreed that even if we were forced to pay a “bush damage” fine, this beautiful little interaction between Mama and Mei-Mei would have been worth it.

Here she is telling me that she wants "Si!" [Four]

At lunch we saw even more of her personality come out. We had gone out searching for lunch and discovered what became out standard lunch place. Should you find yourself in want of lunch while at the Marriot in Guangzhou, turn right out of the front door and turn right at the corner. Continue on this walkway past the 7-11, past the large reddish Indian-esque statues, past the “Cheese Coffee” store, until you come to this sign:

We’d love to tell you the name of it but we've no idea. We just know that you can get 2 large bowls of noodle soup, 1 order of dumplings and 3 bottles of water for 45 RMB (about $6.70) We think it’s awesome and Mei-Mei would appear to agree.

At first she was happy just dipping her chopsticks in the sauce and licking them off ...

And then she started actually drinking from the plate!

This girl LOVES her soy sauce!