Friday, June 30, 2017

Knitting Through the Year - June

I will come out flat-footed and personally disapprove of crocheted borders on knitted cardigans, but without in any way trying to convert those who crochet expertly and with pleasure. May their paths run smooth. ~ Elizabeth Zimmermann's Knitter's Almanac, June 

I adore Elizabeth Zimmermann. She is more or less the patron saint of American knitting and in my head? We are best friends. Among other delightful books about knitting, she wrote Knitter's Almanac. The book is full of wonderful quips and knitting ideas and patterns that suit the natural pace of each month. I am going to follow along for the whole year. Yes, normally these sort of one-year resolutions happen at New Year's, but December-January is a mad, mad time and I'm usually doing well just to stay afloat, much less coming up with grand plans.

June's project is "a bevy of hats," very suitable for warm weather knitting.

From left to right: a tri-corner tam, a ganomy hat, and a Maltese fisherman's hat.

I grabbed whatever yarn was either convenient or cheap, dug up needles that would accommodate the yarn, and dove in. I paid no attention at all to the gauges recommended, and thus I have an adult large, a 6 month size, and a toddler's hat. Whoops.

The tri-corner tam, regrettably, was made from a cheap acrylic from Walmart that reinforced every prejudice I have against acrylic. Practically before it was finished it was looking fuzzy and worn. The hat isn't warm and doesn't feel great to wear. It feels like a project rather than a piece of clothing. However, my kids love the color and it is fun and dramatic to wear. I left out one round of increases, so the pattern calls for even more size and drama.



The ganomy hat is knit from good old Cascade 220, which made it turn out quite small. The pattern calls for bulkier yarn. Looking at it, it seems like an odd shape, but I tried it on my cousin's son and it's a very ergonomic shape. Elizabeth Zimmermann also has the charming idea that one could put a ping-pong ball or a handful of wool scraps into the end of the hat and wrap a piece of yarn tightly just below it, creating a fun bobble top.



The Maltese fisherman's hat came as a surprise. It is so cleverly designed, and in the picture shown in the book, you can't see how neatly the back of it fits to the back of the head. The ear flaps are wonderfully thick and warm. As I made it, it is just a touch small for my kids, which is a shame because they love it and I think it makes Mei-Mei look like a Mongolian warrior. (I know the pictures make it look like a typical toboggan hat, but it's very helmet-y.) I changed the pattern so that there were 4 ridges of garter-stitch above the forehead instead of the 2 the pattern calls for, because I like 1" borders better than 1/2" borders. I will definitely be making more before winter.

Aaaaand the modeling session ends with a wrestling match.


Wednesday, June 7, 2017

I did a thing.

So, recently I did a thing. I (like 1 of every 3 women of my acquaintance) did Whole 30. The rules for Whole30 are here, but essentially they boil down to:

 - no sugar
 - no dairy
 - no grains
 - no alcohol
 - no beans
 - no chemical additives

Lots of vegetables.

You are supposed to follow these rules 100%. There is no internal discussion, no weighing of how "good" you've been all day vs. how "bad" that piece of cake is. You do not eat the cake. End of discussion. In fact, I was so fortunate as to make two birthday cakes for Mei-Mei (her birthday party was on the Saturday after her birthday but I couldn't not make a cake on the very first birthday she's ever had with us), and I ate exactly zero of either one. I did not even lick my fingers, which requires more strength of mind than I would have thought.

Here are my conclusions, with no attempt at order.

1. Eggs and avocados and tomatoes with chiles are life. Anything that is bland or uninspiring can be cheered up with the addition of one or more of those things. Fortunately while I was doing Whole30 (and now at the time of writing!) eggs at Aldi were a jaw-dropping 28 cents a dozen. I bought 6 dozen a week.

2. I know I just said it but: avocados. They are seriously the heavy lifters. Pretty much anytime you are trying to sub for dairy, avocados are what you turn to. Baked potatoes with avocados are seriously my new favorite thing, particularly with bacon and a poached egg.

3. At the very end of the 30 days, I made mayonnaise because I wanted to make chicken salad. I had always viewed people who make their own mayonnaise with a sideways squint, but it was shockingly easy to do and seriously delicious.
In a large mouthed jar or a 2 cup measure, layer:
1 cup oil (if you have no diet restrictions I would just use regular corn oil; otherwise use avocado oil or a very light-tasting olive oil)
1 room temperature egg
1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon water
1/2 teaspoon salt
Place your emersion blender in the cup or jar down to the bottom, piercing the yolk of the egg. Turn your blender on and very slowly, raise and lower the blender until all the ingredients have been emulsified. It is almost instantaneous, certainly less than 1 minute from oily concoction to hey presto! mayonnaise.* It makes about a cup and a third and kept for several days in our fridge and certainly would have kept longer if I had put it into a jar with a lid instead of an open container.

*Note that since this recipe contains raw egg, you do NOT want to put it on a sandwich that is going to sit in a hot car while you're at Six Flags. Quick exit from the fridge into your mouth is best.

4. Whole30 is seriously expensive. During this month, 'Stache was making his usual cheap breakfasts and sandwiches, I would make separate breakfasts and lunches for me and the kids (Kids: Oatmeal? AGAIN?") and then a Whole30 or Whole30-friendly dinner. (For instance, I would make fajitas for 'Stache and the kids and I would just have the spiced chicken and onions and peppers.) And our grocery bill still rose by 60%. And that's with eggs at 28 cents a dozen.

5. There is nothing, but nothing, like cream for your coffee. Over the course of the month, I tried various concoctions and really, there's nothing like milk. On day 31, when I had my first sip of espresso and milk, it was very nearly a religious experience.

6. I was shocked by how much I apparently had been eating without realizing it. Melting chocolate for the kids to dip strawberries in: well of COURSE you lick the spoon while you're waiting on the microwave! Um no, you can't. 'Cause of Whole30. It took a ridiculous, embarrassing amount of willpower and focus to not break Whole30 in moments like these. It wasn't that I was particularly craving chocolate at that moment, but the habit was so deeply ingrained that breaking it was really, really hard.

7. Apparently wasting food is anathema. I discovered that a lot of my eating-without-realizing-it moments were finishing off the kids' plates. Hey, there's half a cheese sandwich left! Can't waste it! Um, you have to. Because of Whole30. Even worse was when it was something that I really liked. My very hardest moment in the whole 30 days was when at Mei-Mei's birthday party, I was cleaning up and some kids hadn't touched their cake. Three layers of Victoria sponge cake! With homemade pink vanilla icing! The WASTE of it! It was gut-wrenching, but I didn't eat a bite. I think if this fearsome trial had occurred on day 2 instead of day 17, I totally would have caved. Knowing I'd forfeit two weeks of hard work was a powerful motivator.



8. Once you start having to read labels, EVERYTHING has sugar! Or dairy, or flour, but especially sugar. Salsa has sugar. Beef broth has sugar. Dried fruits that are not labeled as "sweetened" have sugar. Sausage has sugar. Someone explain this to me.

9. One of the things that is rough about Whole30 is that you have to actually think about your food. (Of course, this is also why it works.) There are no mindless, stop-by-Chik-fil-A, pop-that-pizza-in-the-oven meals. Which mostly was fine, but occasionally ... it really bites. Particularly on grocery day when you're driving home at dinner time exhausted and there is nothing at all that is quick in your car and the internet serves up suggestions of paying actual money for salad-hold-the-raisins-salad-dressing-croutons-cheese-and-chicken-sauted-in-questionable-oil. My go-to lunch at home was potato and avocado and bacon. Which is awesome and I ate it about 100 times because I had no idea what to cook for lunch. People who are better prepared than me make large batches of things so that they can have something ready-made, but somehow this did not actually happen while I was doing Whole30. I blame the lack of caffeine.

10. It is incredibly easy to eat a low-calorie diet while on Whole30. (Well, sure, once you toss out bread, pasta, milk, butter, and sugar, no wonder!) While on Whole30 I was also using an app (Sparkpeople) to track my calories. In order to lose weight on the schedule I wanted, I was supposed to eat 1200-1500 calories a day unless I exercised. That seemed like a scary small number in the beginning, but most days I struggled to even break 1000 calories. And I was eating potatoes! And bacon!

On what planet do these words even make sense coming out of my mouth?


11. My best take-away from Whole30 was portion control. I have had a difficult time with portion control as long as I can remember. If one piece of pie is good, two pieces of pie are better. It didn't even have to be sweet: I can eat mashed potatoes and peas for DAYS. But with Whole30, the foods were good but not indulgent and I think that helped. I was able to retrain my brain: one bowl or plate of food = dinner. No seconds. The two times I overate (Can I even TELL you how remarkable it is that only overate twice in a whole month??) I could actually tell. It felt uncomfortable now, even though it was an amount that the month before, I wouldn't have blinked an eye at.

12. I lost 17 pounds. That was nice.






I posted all of my meals on Instagram, which was very helpful to keep me honest. 
To follow me on Instagram go here. 

When Mama is taking pictures of her food every day, pretty soon everybody needs pictures of their food every day.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Chinglish



A common question from friends, family and random strangers is, “Does she know English yet?” And the answer is, “Yes! Um, no. Well, sorta.” Also complicating the matter is the fact that Mei-Mei is almost entirely silent in public, a striking difference from the wild and screeching hellion that we know and love at home. It can be hard to explain the amount of English, Chinglish and Chinese that we have going on at home without a lengthy dissertation. So, here’s that (semi) lengthy dissertation.

Here are the words that Mei-Mei says by herself in English:
Mama*
Danny
Maisie
Pippin
Sophie
Mine
Hello
Bye-bye**
Please
Thank you
Sorry
No
Potty
All done
Water
Hungry
Gentle
Stop it 
Go
Shoes
Car***
Choo-choo***
Thomas [the Tank Engine]
Train [anyone picking up on a theme here?]
Carrier
Pew-pew

*Mama is the same in Chinese and English.
**Bye-bye is essentially the same in Chinese and English.
***Car means vehicle. Choo-choo means a toy car or a toy train.





A lot of adoptive families use Baby Sign in their first months at home, so that they can communicate effectively from the beginning. Since we learned some Chinese, we didn’t do Baby Sign, but there have been a couple of gestures that we’ve made up and are part of our family pidgin.

Moving the hand, palm side down, over a plate of food – all done
Pointing at an empty spot on the plate – I want more of what I just ate
A buckling motion at the waist – the Tula carrier
Using both hands to push inwards along Mama’s shoulders – I want to stay in the carrier
Maintaining eye contact and opening the mouth wide (optional sticking out of the tongue) - Snapchat


Before going to China, I did lessons 1-15 with the Pimsleur Mandarin course. I highly recommend Pimsleur for people who don’t have a lot of study time per se because it is all CDs. I borrowed them from the library and kept them in the car and learned Chinese while driving around town. We have also made COPIOUS use of Google Translate, which has been a lifesaver. (If you’re heading to China, though, remember that Google doesn’t work in China unless you have a VPN.) These are the words that ‘Stache and I  know in  Chinese and use regularly:


Baba – Daddy
Gege – Brother
Mei-mei – Sister
Wo (men) – I (we)
Ni (men) – You (y’all)
Ni hao – Hello
Bu – No/not
Shi – Is/am
Haishi – Or
Keshi - But 
Ma – word that ends a yes or no question
Yao – Want
Chu – Go
Guolai – Come here
Zheli* – Here  
Nali* – There
Zai nali* – Where is
Fenxiang – Share
Xiang – Would like
Shanghai – Hurt
Peng – Touch
Hui huilai – Will come back  
Mingbai – Understand
Chi – Eat
Hue – Drink
Shuijiao – Sleep
Chin chin – Kiss
Baozhe – Hold
Ai – Love
Xianzai – Now
Guo yihuier - After a while
Niao niao – Pee
Shema – What  
Yi dian* – Little
Hao – Good
Hen – Very  
 Piaoliang – Pretty
Yi, er, san, sz, wo – One, two, three, four, five   
Shui – Water
Cha – Tea
Kafei – Coffee
Tian – Sweet
Jige – This/that
Maozi – Hat 
Wawa – Doll 

*The Pimsleur course uses speakers with Beijing  accents so I learned to pronounce these  “djar,” “nar,” “tzai nar” and “eediar.” Also, any words that end in "shi" I pronounce more like "shir."

The ideal would probably be to say a sentence in Chinese and then repeat it in English: “Ni yao shuijiao ma? Do you want to go to sleep?” (Three guesses what the answer is and the first two don’t count.) In practice, we rarely do this. It’s oddly difficult to switch gears between languages. What isn’t hard at all (for reasons I don’t know) is to mix the two languages. “Ni yao yogurt haishi ni yao orange juice?” “Xianzai ni brush your teeth, then shuijiao.” (Any linguists out there who have insights into this phenomenon, feel free to chime in!)

It’s very clear that Mei-Mei is understanding more English than she speaks (or is just brilliant at deducing from tone and context, which is also possible). We’ll say things like “We only eat in the kitchen; come back in here” or “Do you want to be in the pack ‘n’ play or go play with your geges” and she’ll respond appropriately.


The plan (the hope) is for Mei-Mei to learn English, probably taking about a year to become fluent, and for me to hang on to my Chinese, learn more, and teach the boys once they start kindergarten. Whether Mei-Mei will lose her Chinese and then relearn it again in kindergarten or whether she’ll retain it, we don’t know. Generally three-year-olds don’t hang onto their Chinese by themselves, so either way it will take a bit of effort, but we think it’s worth it.   

I'm exhausted just thinkin' about it.
Edited to add: At the time of this post, Mei-Mei was 3 and a half years old and had been home exactly two months.

Monday, January 23, 2017

How to (Successfully!) Take Your Little Boy Out to Tea



In Chattanooga, there is a completely charming little tea room called The English Rose. In college, going to the tea house was my reward for finishing finals. When I was first married, I would pinch my pennies so that I could take my sister to the tea room when she visited me. When I realized that my son enjoyed tea, I couldn't wait to take him. Here are my best tips for taking your four, five or six year old son out to tea.

(I'm writing about boys, because that is what I know best, but most of these may be fairly applicable to girls as well.)

1. Ditch the fancy clothes. It will be a temptation, particularly if the tea room in question is a fancy one, to dress your little guy to the nines. Resist. Settle for clean, coordinated playclothes. It's important that he feel comfortable. Of course, if he happens to be the 1 out of 100 boys who actually prefers a suit and tie to a T-shirt and overalls, go for it.

2. Order a child-friendly tea. Pick a tea that's not too bitter. My favorite choice is Lady Grey, but if your son hasn't had too much experience with hot tea before, go with a fruit flavored tea, one without "Zinger" in the title. Add milk or cream if he complains it's too strong, but try to avoid adding sugar. Once he learns that you can put sugar in tea, it's hard to go back.

3. Order a bowl of ice. Kids have a hard time with delayed gratification, and tend to prefer drinks that are warm rather than hot. A bowl of ice will allow you to cool his tea so that he can drink his warm tea at the same time that you are drinking your hot tea. Put two large spoonfuls of ice into his tea cup and tell him that when the ice melts all the way, he can try a sip.

4. Order an American-style dessert. Unless your child has exceptionally refined taste, he will probably not take to British "biscuits" which tend to be lamentably subtle in their flavor and sweetness. Order tea, a plate of sandwiches that you think will appeal, and a dessert that your son will think is awesome.

5. (the most important one) Ask, "What do you want to talk about?" And no matter what, stay on topic. Whatever he wants to talk about, the whole tea time. Our first tea time, my son wanted to talk about Thomas and Friends. I knew next to nothing about Thomas at the time, so I kept asking What color is [name of engine]? Is s/he a diesel engine or a steam engine? Objectively speaking, it wasn't a particularly sparkling conversation, but the lingering association of tea time is that during tea time, Mama has time to listen. 

And that is - and should be - the very best part of tea time.



Wednesday, January 4, 2017

The Sales Pitch

Several months ago, Munchkin and I were having a mother-son date and, needing to kill some time, wandered into a dog-grooming business. We stood off to the side and watched the employees and the dogs for a while. Munchkin did his quiet glowing thing that means he’s having an awesome time but isn’t going to actually express it. Two days later, he announced his firm desire for a dog.

Fortunately, ‘Stache and I had discussed this before, so I had an answer ready. “Munchkin,” I said, “Here’s the thing. Before we get you a dog, Mama and Daddy need to know that you can be responsible enough to take care of one.” And then inspiration struck. “You could show us,” I suggested, “by taking care of the cats. You can feed them in the morning and scoop their cat box.”

Munchkin promptly agreed. And, since the beginning of November, he has fed and scooped very nearly every morning with a cheerful attitude and a willing heart. Which is, frankly a great deal more than could be said of either me or ‘Stache. However he has often needed to be reminded, which is a fairly key factor, from the parental evaluation perspective. Also, since that initial conversation, ‘Stache and I added an extremely high-spirited three-year old girl to our household and incidentally decided that three pets and three children and two parents would about do for the present.

This evening over his birthday dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and English peas, Munchkin, in true labor boss fashion, laid down his terms and announced a strike. “Mama,” he said with deliberation and precision, “I will feed the cats for one more day. And then – I will say, ‘I want a dog!’”

It was my unfortunate task to break the news that, given the size of our house and our yard, we could not have more than three pets. I pointed out that Pippin, our “male” cat likes to go on adventures and maybe sometime Pippin might find a family that he liked better and stay with them instead. Also, it was likely that eventually we would move to a bigger house and that at that time, we could probably get a dog. I assured him that Daddy and I did want him to have a dog, but that this was just not a good time.

Immediately dismissing these reassurances, Munchkin launched into a new plan. “We – we could take down the cages and we puts the cats in them and then we takes them back to the kitty house [animal shelter]. But we keeps Sofie and then – then we have two pets – “ he counted on his fingers, “ – we have Sofie and we have my puppy dog.” He gave a firm nod, content with his awesome plan and succinct summary.

It was then my even more unfortunate task to convince him that no, simply marking “return to sender” was not a viable means of ridding oneself of an unwanted pet. All while shushing ‘Stache, who stepped out to the hall to burst into laughter in peace, and forcing a serious expression on my own face as befitted the serious discussion at hand.


However, if there are any cat lovers out there who would like to own a beautiful short-hair male-but-neutered cat who’s had his shots, is good with kids and likes to play outside on occasion, I will make you a very good deal. 

Seriously. 



This is my brother's dog, not Munchkin's future dog, but I couldn't not post it.

Friday, December 30, 2016

Mei-Mei Log, Week 4

Day 22 Thursday Munchkin, Twinkle, Mei-Mei and I went to the aquarium. It was very quiet except for one school group. Mei-Mei was very content on my back in the carrier. She continues to love escalators and leaned down to grab the railing as we were going up. On the way out, Munchkin had a melt-down because I would not hold him as well. Later that afternoon, ‘Stache was carrying Mei-Mei up the front steps and tripped and both of them fell flat, but neither suffered any permanent effects. At dinner, Mei-Mei was more interested in feeding her peas to Munchkin than eating them herself.

Day 23 Friday We visited a friend who has a young daughter the boys’ age. Mei-Mei was quiet and stony faced and stayed on my lap the whole time. After a while she started crying for Baba. She perked up when we went outside to the car. My friend has two large dogs and Mei-Mei was fascinated and jumpy around them. When I put her down, she wagged her rear end back and forth, imitating the dogs wagging their tails. At naptime she delayed going to sleep and then slept for an hour, until ‘Stache woke her up. She was very unhappy and being woken up and only wanted to cuddle for a while. At bedtime went to sleep at 9.

Day 24 Saturday We left the house at 9 and drove 2 hours to my parents’ house for their Christmas party. Mei-Mei sat on ‘Stache’s lap for about 2 hours, then started getting up and making short forays. She was calm and content as long as she could see ‘Stache or I but not especially animated or boisterous. At about 2, ‘Stache took the kids upstairs for naptime. Twinkle was the only one who slept but everyone rested. We left about 7:30. Mei-Mei was not very happy about getting in the car and being separated from ‘Stache and I, but she went to sleep after about 30 minutes.

Day 25 Sunday Fairly quiet day. ‘Stache left after dinner to watch a movie at a friend’s house. Mei-Mei cried a bit when he left but then acted normally. Went to bed with me without crying except for occasional you-won’t-let-me-get-out-of-bed stuff. Watched a video with me for about an hour. Then self-entertained for a while. Watched me cruise Craigslist. Snuggled with me but very restless, changing positions all the time. Eventually wound up hugging my arm and chewing my fingernails. Fell asleep about 11pm.

Day 26 Monday Went to the bookstore with the kids. Kept Mei-Mei in the carrier, but she kept grabbing at books. Went to Sam’s for lunch. Mei-Mei ate a soft pretzel and some of a Coke. The boys were fragile and fractious all day. Mei-Mei was restless, constantly wanting up down play with me talk to me do something else. I think part of the problem is that we were not able to have any outdoor time. Went to sleep easily at 8. Woke up at 11 puking. Threw up a couple times, and then went back to sleep.


Day 27 Tuesday No more throwing up. 

Thank you for reading the log of our first four weeks with Mei-Mei! As you can see, things are still not without challenges, but we have seen such improvement in bonding, eating and sleeping since we came home! 

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Mei-Mei Log, Week 3

Day 15 Thursday

Day 16 Friday Mei-Mei and I did a craft together, dyeing fabric for Christmas presents. She has a very long attention span. We worked together for about 1 and a half hours. She was delighted each time we pressed the fabric down and then lifted it up to see the colors. Munchkin and I went to see the Nutcracker after dinner. He loved it. 


Day 17 Saturday


Day 18 Sunday After supper she was playing with notecards and tape and kid scissors. She tore a card into a square and held it over her eye. She wanted me to cut it into a circle, which I did. She took a large piece of tape and taped the circle over one eye. Then she did the same thing on the other eye. She was extremely pleased with herself and trotted off to show ‘Stache.


Day 19 Monday Rainy. I cut the boys’ hair. Attempted to trim Mei-Mei’s bangs. She stood still but I didn’t do a great job of it. All of her hair swirls from one point. There isn’t a natural part. She had a sweet time with our cat: hugging, petting, forehead bonking. Kissed the cat and thought it great fun. Stayed up until 10 pm. She won’t kiss me yet.


Day 20 Tuesday We’re seeing more normal sibling interactions. Normal wrestling, normal squabbling. We went to Chik-Fil-A and while we were in the playplace, we overheard Munchkin talking to a little boy, telling him about Mei-Mei with a very proprietary tone. “That’s our sister. Our Mama and Daddy went to China to go get her. Where did your parents get your sister?” The clearly non-plussed little boy said, “Uh, uh, I think my parents got her in my mama’s belly.” Mei-Mei took a nap in the afternoon and then did not go to sleep until after midnight.



Day 21 Wednesday No nap, just stayed on the bed with me. She has an amazing ability to self-entertain. She kissed me two times today and let me rub noses with her several times. Don’t know yet if the kisses are a today-only deal. She stole and wore my glasses several times and is completely delighted by it. Went to sleep about 8:20pm.