One Day

Six years ago, you had one day with her. That's so unfair.

As magical as newborns are and as much as I envy you those precious hours, you couldn't possibly have imagined how incredible your daughter would become. She is sugar and spice, quick to take offense and eager to please. My dragon daughter. From the first picture I ever saw of her I sensed a brightness in her, a vividness. Everything she feels, she feels intensely. Every story she tells, she throws her whole self into portraying every aspect. I've often wondered if acting is in her future: she just seems like a natural.

I'll get to see that future, and unless a modern miracle of internet and DNA transpires, you won't. That's so unfair.

I don't know what combination of societal limitations, familial pressures, financial duress, and personal bias led you to want your daughter to be cared for by the state. I know from other parents of nevus owners that the initial reaction from uninformed doctors and medical staff can be devastating. One family's child was placed in NICU immediately and the parents were told the child probably wouldn't live out the week. She did, of course, and proved to be and continues to be happy and healthy. But it's so rare, you see. One in every 500,000 births and most doctors never see it in their whole practice. It can look so scary at first, but it isn't really, most of the time. Were you scared? Did a doctor tell you she wouldn't survive or that she would need medical care you couldn't pay for? Did you face the question that so many parents in your situation have had thrust on them: to take your child home to die or to surrender her to the state so that she can receive life-saving medical care? That's so unfair.

But medically necessary or not, she thrived, even in an institutional environment, and after bringing her home we have seen her burst into bloom. The calendar tells us that we have had her for two years, five months and seventeen days and every one of those days she has been a joy. (And often a trial as well: she has a strong will, your daughter.)

Thank you for including the note with her time of birth. I wonder, when that time came today, did you wince? Do you feel the loss of her like a limb? Do you have peace that you made the right decision for her? Did you move past the grief years ago, hopeless of ever seeing your child again? I wish I could face west and send you this message: your daughter is loved and cared for and accepted. She is yours, always yours, but also ours.

Ours forever.

We promise.

Say It Today

This last Christmas was a great Christmas for hand knitted gifts. I typically start making Christmas presents in early spring allowing me to harness my spare time throughout the year to produce hand-made gifts. I have a spreadsheet that helps me keep track.

I used mostly Paton yarn, which is a great affordable, hard-wearing, high quality yarn, and I made a lot of fun, functional things.

But after Christmas, I was wanting ... something different. Something that would really be a challenge. Something less about function, and more about form. I settled on a lace shawl. An epic lace shawl, made from laceweight wool and silk, gossamer thin.

Before you block lace, it looks scrunched.
You can sort of tell there's a pattern and purpose going on, but it's not entirely clear.

Most of the knitting I do is very forgiving. If I miss a decrease in one row, I can add it in the next without anyone ever being able to tell but me. Knitting a lace pattern is not like that. All the stitches, decreases and yarnovers are very carefully designed to form a pattern, and if you miss a single stitch, it will be glaringly obvious. Twice I made a mistake but didn't catch it for eight or ten rows and so had to pull out all that work.

Inserting the needle into the last row before my mistake.

But it was all worth it.

Interstellar Lace Shawl

I made this shawl for my friend Sarah. My friend is in good health at the moment, but as I was considering this project it occurred to me - the time for a big gesture is now. Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. This shawl, the biggest, most difficult lace pattern I'd ever attempted, was my tangible way of telling my friend how much I loved her and the time to say "I love you" is always today, not next week.

It was finished in time for her birthday and she loves surprises, so my kids and I showed up on her doorstep with a plate of cookies and a brown paper package tied up with string.

She loved it a lot.

Go say I love you. Do it with knitting, with words, however you want. Say it today. 

Love a Baby

Everybody has a baby they love, right? Even if you don't have kids or even don't want kids, you've got a niece that's precious to you, a best friend who's about to have a baby. So with that in mind, we're working on a special fundraiser.

For all donations between March 15th and April 30 that help bring our baby boy home, we'll put your name in a drawing for a very special gift: a hand-knit lace baby blanket in soft, natural wool. Perfect for a boy or a girl, a lovely heirloom and a beautiful photo prop.

Any donation up to $25 means we put your name in the drawing once, and then for every additional $25, we put your name in again.

This is a similar knit lace blanket that I made for my nephew. The Love a Baby blanket will have a diamond center pattern and a leaf border.

How can you donate? So glad you asked! 

To buy Rodan + Fields makeup and have a portion of your purchase go to support our adoption, click here! (Each item specifically lists how much goes to the adoption.) 

To donate online, click here.

To donate via check, make your check payable to Bethany Christian Services and put Fenn Family in the memo line. Send your check to: 

930 McCallie Avenue

Chattanooga, TN 37403

After you've done that, send me a message on Facebook (I'm the only Libby Mallory Fenn on there!) and let me know about your donation so that we can add you to the drawing! It sometimes takes a while for donations to process and for us to be notified. I don't want you to miss out! 

For more information about our adoption, go here. It's the page with all the links! 

The Big News

So for a while this fall I wasn't blogging anything because our adoption had stalled due to a medical issue. And then that resolved and suddenly I wasn't blogging because things were happening so fast! 

So, here's our big news. 

We have been MATCHED!!! 

On Jan 29th, we got a call from our adoption agency. They had a file that they would like us to consider. It was a sixteen month old boy, with the same condition as our daughter, congenital giant nevus, otherwise healthy and with the cutest, fattest cheeks. We said yes. The boys are completely thrilled; Mei-Mei was sour for a bit that it wasn't a girl, but has since gotten fully on board Team Baby Brother and is full of plans. She has instructed me that when we go to China I should take M&Ms, in case baby brother cries while I'm giving him a bath, like she did. I love seeing her little heart soften. 

Right now we can't share pictures online so you will just have to take my word for it that he's completely adorable. We'll be able to share once we've signed our Letter of Agreement, which is a few steps down the road. Right now I'm busy working on our current step, the dossier (doss-ee-ay). We are hopeful that we will have all our dossier ducks lined up and notarized by the end of the month, after which we get them county sealed and state sealed. It's exactly as much fun as it sounds, but now we have the best motivation in the world: our little boy waiting for us! 

So. Many. Documents.

If you would like to be added to our adoption newsletter for more information about the process and how you can pray for us, email me at derkiheeATgmailDOTcom with "add me" in the subject line. 

If you would like to donate to our adoption (thank you SO much!) all of our links and information are here.