Mei-Mei Day

On Monday, we left the hotel at 6 am. Our tour guide, Tom, came to the hotel to hand us off to Minan. Minan took us to a large van and the driver loaded our many bags and we headed off through the dark city. Dark, but very busy. It was supposed to be three and a half hours to Shijiazhuang, which is where we would meet Mei-Mei.

It wasn’t three and a half hours.

The pollution in Hebei Province was so bad that day that the highway was shut down twice due to poor visibility. We saw a few food peddlers take advantage of all the parked cars. This one was selling candied apples.

We got to our hotel at 1 pm, and Minan took us around the corner to KFC for lunch. KFC is very popular here! My sister ordered a hot corn drink with her meal. It tasted exactly like creamed corn, only liquid. Finally, a little before 2, we piled back in the van and went to the Social Welfare office.

And there on the curb was Mei-Mei! Naturally we couldn’t tumble out of the van fast enough. She was a little stand-offish at first, but warmed up with some snacks (which she distributed to everyone in the room). We took the official family picture for the adoption papers, and Mei-Mei had to stamp her handprint, and ‘Stache and I signed our names about a dozen times.

While we traded off holding Mei-Mei and signing papers, Mei-Mei was exploring ‘Stache’s phone. Specifically, the “selfie” mode.

She took 333 pictures and 10 videos. Really, the only reason those numbers are not much higher is that after a while, she got interested in scribbling on the pictures. She has excellent fine motor control (perhaps it’s from growing up using chopsticks!) and held ‘Stache’s stylus with precision.

Most unusually, we went straight from the Social Welfare office to the notary to finalize our paperwork. Usually there is about 24 hours between these appointments. It was while we were waiting outside the notary’s office that the realization that we were not just kind visitors with snacks began to dawn on Mei-Mei. Tears welled up occasionally, but her nanny was usually able to cajole her back to equilibrium.

At 5:20, we got our paperwork back and it was done! She was ours. Still a Chinese citizen, but our Chinese citizen.

When the orphanage director and her nanny left, the tears started in earnest. She cried the whole evening. She cried for “Gua Ye,” her nanny, over and over. She would only accept comfort from ‘Stache, probably because she views me as usurping her Gua Ye’s place.  

It. Was. Awful.

Heart-breaking.

Gut-wrenching.

Everything that is twisting and crushing and sad.

She fell asleep around 9 and we all went to bed, holding tightly to these truths.

It is a GOOD thing she is mourning. It means that she loved her nanny very much, and it is much easier to teach a child to love her new parents too than it is to teach a child how to love someone in the first place. 

It will not always be like this. Tonight was hard and she really doesn’t want anything to do with Mama at all, but it will not always be hard and she will not feel that way forever. 

Tomorrow is a new day. Please God, let it be a new day.

First Day in China

 

Our first day in China began at 4:30. ‘Stache’s phone rang and we bounced awake; if not bright-eyed and bushy tailed, at least very alert and after a brief attempt to go back to sleep, we got up and made coffee. Around six we went down for breakfast, which was a fascinating array of Western, semi-Western and Eastern options.

 

breakfast 1

 

The conclusions:

 

Jiaozi with custard filling: delicious.

 

Fried bread: like a completely unsweet donut.

 

Eggs steeped in tea and soy sauce: very delicate flavor. I might not have noticed if I’d been blindfolded.

 

Chicken congee: warm and comforting but bland. I found out later that you are supposed to add things to it for flavor.

 

Plain congee with pickles: SO GOOD! I really like Chinese pickles.

 

Out of the hotel restaurant window was a beautiful courtyard pool. We wondered how much the “poolside” hotel rooms would cost. It was so tranquil.

 

breakfast 2

 

We left at 8 with Tom, our guide. He took us to the Forbidden City. Everything was huge and beautiful.

 

city 3

 

city 4

 

city 6

 

city 7

 

city 8

 

When it was built (600 years ago) the emperor believed that if his palace, symbolically the center of China, was balanced in the elements, then the whole country would be balanced. There were huge urns that were once filled with water for this purpose, and huge braziers to burn incense every day.

 

 

city 10

 

After the Forbidden City, we went on a Hutong Tour. Hutong means “alley.” Around the Forbidden City there is a preserved area of Old Beijing. (Old in this case meaning about 100 years. When your day begins with 600-year old marble statues, you have to specify.) Our bus drove us to the entrance and then we got in rickshaws!

 

I had been garnering stares all day because I was wearing only a shirt with the sleeves pushed up, not a hat and coat. Chinese people believe in bundling up. I called the weather “brisk,” not cold, and had been fine all day. But in the rickshaw, I was glad of our padded blanket. The wind chill was so cold!

 

One of the rickshaw drivers got in a fight with a passing motorist, who cut in front of him and then (we gathered) was completely unrepentant and in fact “gave him attitude.” The driver stopped and he and the motorcyclist and the nearby rickshaw drivers exchanged some heated words. It was very exciting but I have no pictures of the incident.

 

The rickshaws took us a little farther and then we got off and walked through a maze of tiny streets.

 

We had lunch at a family’s house! It was so delicious. We started with fried sweet potato chips and candied lychees and some kind of fried thing that we never identified. They kept bringing out more food: first pork and green beans, then broccoli, then pork sausage balls, then garlic shoots and bacon, then chicken, all with rice, and then tiny oranges to finish the meal. Fortunately our plates were small so we knew to take little portions! This is a very traditional Chinese way of eating: lots of options and you take a little of each one. Lunch was so delicious and afterwards we found out why: the man who lived there and who cooked our meal was the 4^th president of China’s chef!

While walking, we passed a public exercise area. It was fun to figure out how everything was used. Some of the machines were for exercise, and some

of them were for massage. Such a brilliant idea! Everything was sturdy and simple and seemed like it would last forever.

 

Hutong 11

 

Hutong 12

 

Hutong 13

 

Then we went and visited another family’s home. This was a fully preserved courtyard home, which is very rare in Beijing. 100 years ago, homes were built in the courtyard style, with 4 sections around a middle courtyard. Each section typically had 2 sections, so it was also called an octagon style. Originally one multi-generational family would own and live in the whole thing. Today, each section is owned (or more likely, rented) by a different family, and there are buildings built in the courtyard as well.

 

This family, though, owns the whole thing. The south side is raised higher than the other sections, and it would have been for the parents and the grandparents because it was always warm from the sun. The north section, which would have always been cold, was for the servants or storage. Sons lived on the east side and daughters on the west. Today, the owners live in the north section and one of the rooms is a studio for their nephew, who is an artist, and some of the rooms are used as a bed and breakfast. They grow gourds in their courtyard.

 

[More pictures coming]

 

Next we went to a teahouse.

 

We watched a tea demonstration and sampled several different kinds of tea. The tall cup is for smelling and the bowl is for drinking. The woman poured our first tea into the tall cup, then placed the bowl upside down on the cup. Then we were instructed to carefully turn both of them over at the same time, and lift the tall cup and smell. We could also rub the hot, empty tall cup on our faces or hands to warm them, which was very welcome after being outside all afternoon! And then we sipped the tea, taking 3 sips to empty the cup.

 

[hold on for tea picture]

 

The ”right” way to hold a cup is as follows. Thumb and forefinger on either side of the cup, middle finger under the cup. Women hold the next 2

fingers out, which is “phoenix style.” And men hold these fingers in against the palm, which is “dragon style.

 

We bought ginseng oolong and puer and fruit tea. This entitled us to a free “tea boy.” This is a little gadget that tells you if your water is hot enough. If you pour cold water over him nothing happens. If you pour hot water over him he pees in a rather spectacular arc. I thought it was hilarious and that the boys would love to use him at tea time. ‘Stache is worried that the little tea boy will inspire imitative behavior.

 

The last event of the day was an acrobatic show. Words fail. It was spectacular, and unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I took videos, so hopefully when I get home we can figure out a way to put them on the blog. Right now, with Youtube and Gmail being blocked, it’s not very doable.

 

I’m off to go find some dinner. Tomorrow we go see the Great Wall of China!

 

 

We're Leaving for China on Wednesday

Wow
.
*Gulp*

Wow.

Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday!

We have been traveling/trudging/crawling down this path for so long. We used to have a card on the fridge saying "July 2010." My heart was bursting to adopt way before 'Stache and I even met the "length of marriage requirements." July 2010 was the earliest I figured we could start applying and meet the requirement by the time we were matched with a child, so having the card on the fridge was my little reminder. An encouragement that even though it seemed a long way off, that day was coming.

Well, God had different plans. He took us along a different road, to a life filled with two wonderful, rambunctious boys. But He planted that desire for adoption. He kept it alive through long years of waiting, piles of paperwork and fine print and now, in 5 days, we are getting on a plane and heading east. In 10 days, we'll meet our daughter for the first time.

Once upon a time, or rather on November 15th, 2015, after the boys went to bed, I was thinking about how discouraging the adoption process was. We had just been turned down for a referral the day before. We had been solidly turned down 3 times, and there had been several other referrals I had been hopeful about but they hadn't panned out. I told 'Stache that night, "If this is what the Hong Kong process is like, I don't know if I can do it." What other options did we have, though?

Then the thought struck: I had just turned 30. One of the China program's inflexible rules was that both parents must be at least 30. We hadn't met the requirements for the China program when we started the process, so I hadn't even considered it before now. But now I considered it, and on a whim, went and paged through the Waiting Child list for China.

Cute kids ... more cute kids ... Oh. It's you. 

Now I had been paging through these lists for months, trying to find the Hong Kongolese kids among the Chinese kids, and there had been lots of kids who caught my eye, tugged my heart, made me wonder how they'd fit in our life. But Mei-Mei wasn't like that at all. It was like I recognized her. My eyes were cruising along and then stumbled spectacularly because in a long list of maybes and definitely-nots and I-could-picture-hims and what-ifs, there she was. My daughter.

And on November 14th, 2016, I'm going to meet her.

Wow.

Eleventy-One Blessings

There is a wonderful tradition in northern China, where our daughter Mei-Mei lives. When a couple is expecting a baby, they invite their friends and relatives to contribute to a Bai Jia Bei quilt, or "One Hundred Good Wishes" quilt. Each contributor gives a piece of fabric, along with their good wishes for the baby. When assembled the quilt, containing all these good wishes, is considered a family heirloom and is passed down from generation to generation.

When I read about this I immediately knew I wanted to make one for Mei-Mei. Such a precious, tangible symbol of the love, care and prayers of the many, many people who are part of Mei-Mei's extended family.

I worried a bit over the desired 100 pieces. Did we even know that many people? Well, it turns out we did. We knew at least 111, in fact, because I had to make the quilt bigger than expected to contain the 111 pieces we received.

The Chinese characters mean "Beloved," or "Treasure." 

There are so many people who are a part of this quilt and a part of Mei-Mei's life. Taking these pictures, I was nearly brought to tears, thinking about the wonderful village of people that are going to surround this girl, this little girl who has been so alone in the world.

Thank you, all of you.

These pictures were taken at Treetop Hideaways, Chattanooga's only treehouse boutique hotel. To follow them on Facebook, go here. 

In case you're wondering, one box of these fruit treats is how this mama managed to get all these pictures without the pint-sized humans going stir crazy. One box of treats + one medium sized wilderness to explore = enough time to take lots of pictures! 

The Winter of No Sleeves

This winter (joyfully!) I will have three kids who are all old enough to want to get dressed by themselves but not old enough to actually manage all the details themselves. Details like putting the right arm into the right sleeve, managing to get their hand all the way through the sleeve without getting tangled up, connecting the bottom parts of the zipper - it's all very complicated when you're three or four. Complicated and likely to completely derail a mom's morning.

Hence, I give you ... The Winter of No Sleeves.

This year, the kiddos (so weird to not just say "the boys") are going to have no outerwear that has sleeves and zippers. Usually, I get one light jacket and one heavy coat for each of the them. Sometimes if I'm able to find a really good quality formal coat, I'll get that too, but we don't have a lot of formal occasions to look sleek for, and our church is pretty casual. This year, we're doing cloaks. One fleece, one wool.

I made the fleece versions this week. I wanted to test out the pattern and fleece is a lot cheaper than wool. Also, the wool cloaks will need to be lined, so that's another level of trouble that I don't want to waste if the pattern isn't right.

Buying the fleece was fun. Twinkle instantly landed on his choice. Munchkin took more guidance. His favorite color is pink, so I wanted him to have a pink cloak, but I didn't want it to look like he was wearing a girl's cloak. ("Excuse me, saleslady, can you show me where you're keeping the non-feminine pinks?") We considered several different options and landed on a fabric that mostly reads BRIGHT!!! rather than just pink.

Beautiful as I know Munchkin to be, it's possible he's not a born model.

I made Munchkin's cloak using M6431, view F except that I didn't use the neckline cutout. I didn't really think it through before cutting it out. Not including the hood, Munchkin's cloak has 6 pieces: front, back, 2 side fronts and 2 side backs. With Twinkle's and Mei-Mei's, I streamlined the pattern so that it only has 2 cloak pieces: front and back.

The original pattern had no option that only used 2 pieces. The simplest option (view C) had a zipper up the front, which I didn't want because obviously, zippers complicate life. So I used the back pattern piece for this view and cut it out twice. To make the front piece, I recut the neckline using the front pattern piece as a guide. Clear as mud?

After the fact, I wish that I hadn't used the front cutout, because the cloaks run a smidge big and I didn't need the extra room that the cutout gives. Also, I cut 2" off the bottom of Twinkle's cloak so that it would be the right length and I cut 1.5" off the bottom of Munchkin's hood because it was oddly oversize. But overall, I'm pretty happy with the first Winter of No Sleeves experiment, and I think I'll be able to tweak the pattern satisfactorily later when I do the wool versions.

But what really makes me happy?

I had to make 3 cloaks. Three.

Randomly on Wednesday

It's been a while since I blogged, so here is a whole lot of random news and observations.

1. We have LOA!! This is a super important step in the adoption process where we specifically commit to adopt a specific child, our little Mei-Mei. It seemed a little redundant, since we've been working towards adopting Mei-Mei specifically for almost a year, but this is the point where the CCCWA (China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption) considers us officially committed. Which means now we can ...

2. ... share pictures!

We think she's just about the cutest thing ever. I particularly love the little nevus spot on her nose.

3. We're working hard on visas right now. Way back when we got approved for a general bring-your-kid-home visa, now we have to get a bring-Mei-Mei-home visa and a take-Mama-and-Daddy-to-China visa. So many visas! It's been an interesting process. For reasons I don't understand, your visa application must be hand delivered to a Chinese consulate (rather than mailed), but it doesn't have to be your hand that delivers it. Fortunately there are courier services set up for such things.

4. I made a Morse code quilt! It was very simple and looked pretty cool, so I'm thinking of writing a tutorial. Pictures coming soon ...

5. I've collected and assembled all the pieces for Mei-Mei's Blessing quilt. This is a Chinese tradition where you make your baby a quilt using pieces from your friends and relatives. It makes me tear up, thinking of Mei-Mei wrapped up in the love of all these people. She is coming home to such a wonderful extended family and church family.

6. Someone needs to design language courses for adoptive parents. I've been learning Chinese using the Pimsleur course, which I like, but so far it's been strictly tourist stuff:

Are you Chinese? Nǐ shì zhōngguó rén ma?
I am not Chinese. Wǒ bùshì zhōngguó rén. (I'm really, really sure that I won't have to point this out.)

The course seems fairly keen on consent:

I would not like to go to your place to drink beer. Wǒ bù xiǎng qù nǐ nǎr hē píjiǔ. (Thanks for looking out for me, Pimsleur. I'll be sure to party responsibly.)

There are a few phrases seem helpful:

Would you like to eat something? Nǐ xiǎng chī yīdiǎnr dōngxī ma?
What would you like to do? Nǐ xiǎng zuò shénme? 

But nowhere (so far) is that very necessary phrase for entering a shopping center with a toddler: Hold my hand. What about It's time to sleep or Wait a minute, food is coming?

7. I have discovered Poshmark, which is a pretty great way to buy clothes for someone who doesn't actually like shopping for clothes, who wants to buy quality but also who can't always pay for quality. People buy clothes, wear them a few times, decide they aren't as crazy about them as they thought but they've lost the receipts, so they put them up for sale on Poshmark. The highest prices I saw were about 2/3 of the original prices, but I also saw some rock-bottom prices, too. I got a Eddie Bauer waffle weave shirt for just $5 plus shipping. It came in the mail today and like the previous owner said, it's just like new. You can buy stuff on the spot or you can negotiate with the seller. It's set up well and you can search by brand, size and type of garment.

And best of all: you can shop in your PJ's after the kids are asleep. I'm a fan.

8. Last Saturday Munchkin and I went to an English tea room. I politely refused the waitress's offer of a child size cup, and he drank 3 full cups of tea, no sugar, no cream. (In fact, after the 3rd cup, I offered him a cup of tea with cream and he hated it.) Other than refusing to eat Digestive biscuits (can't blame you there, kid) or short bread cookies (that was a mistake, buddy), it was a very pleasant outing. We discussed Thomas and Friends nearly the whole time.

The key, for future tea outings: when you are ordering your tea, also order a dish of ice so you can cool your child's piping hot tea down to a temperature that won't scald them if they gulp it. Because, they will gulp it.

9. I'm knitting a scarf made from a mixture of wool, silk and Australian possum. It is delightfully soft and cushy and the mistake rib stitch that I'm using makes it even more so.

I am 98% over the fact that there is possum in it. Australian possums are only slightly less gross than American ones.

Letter to Munchkin

Dear Munchkin,

You are an irresistible bundle of sweet thoughtfulness, cheerful observations and big brown eyes, with just a pinch (ok, we'll call it a dash) of intractable stubbornness thrown in to keep it real. However, these days, according to the blog and Facebook, you're being underrepresented. Twinkle is definitely showing up in the lion's share of anecdotes, quotes and cute pictures.

As an oldest child myself, I know someday you're going to catalogue all my media outlets and then accuse me of partiality and dual standards and imply that you got the short end of the parenting stick.

This is simply untrue.

I adore you to bits, but all the motherly adoration in the world is not going to make up for the fact that you are notoriously camera shy

and your brother is a giant ham.



also the fact that your brother clearly loves nothing more than to have the camera lens turned on him



and you would much prefer to wield the camera yourself, producing such masterpieces as:



and this*:

*Actually, these ARE the masterpieces of your photography collection being both A: of a subject and B: more or less in focus.

And while I don't have any awesome quotes to share from you right now (your conversation swinging between taciturn silence and a monologue on the unique characteristics of all the trains on Thomas and Friends and their pertinent plot points) I do want to record for posterity that right now, instead of saying "Clarabelle," the name of one of Thomas's coaches, you call both of the coaches / kleəbelz/ and it is the cutest thing ever. My knowledge of IPA is insufficient to render the gentle lisp that you give the word and your concern over the Clarabelles' fate is equally gentle and sweet.

Hugs and kisses,
Mama